Confidence is a highly coveted trait. It is something that in my mind has to be practiced, and acquired through maturity, and self-awareness. We make our biggest faux-paus when we are running low on confidence, and subsequently can end up hurt the people around us. Not only is confidence important to living a healthy life but it is also one of the most attractive quality's someone can posses. When thinking back to the "popular" kids in high school, most of them really had nothing going for them except for their unexplained source of confidence. And for some reason, since they were so sure of themselves, so were the rest of us! I found a quiz on Dr. Phil's website that lets you gauge your esteem.
Ask yourselves the following questions:
1. Is your self-esteem based on what others think of you?
2. Do you do things to make other people happy, even if it makes you feel bad?
3. Do you have a hard time being happy for others when they succeed?
4. Do you call yourself names like "stupid" or "dummy" when you make mistakes — or sometimes even when you don't?
5. Do you have a hard time taking risks?
Scoring: If you answered yes to any of these questions, your self-concept or self-esteem may be distorted. If you answered yes to three or more, then you are not living authentically.
I think if we are being honest with ourselves we have all met one of these criteria at one point in our lives. As we should - we are humans and this is a tough subject. Here are some tips that I use to develop more confidence and continue to grow:
1. Set goals - Accomplishing goals - even little ones - makes you feel good about yourself
2. Girl Friends - They are a MUST! The most confident girls have strong, happy woman in their lives. They will be your strength when you are weak, tell you your beautiful when you need to hear it, and most importantly they will talk crap on anyone who is making you feel less than perfect.
3. Healthy Relationships - If you are in a relationship that is making you feel insecure - Get Out!
4. Buy yourself something pretty - Don't go too crazy because an empty bank account will just add stress but splurge on yourself every now and then.
Go confidently into the direction that you were meant for, appreciating all the stops along the way.
4 comments:
I used to have a lot of self-esteem issues in HS and growing up. College helped me come out of my shell and make new friends who didn't automatically just judge me as "the shy girl." (even though people did see me as the quiet one sometimes). Self-confidence has to come from within, not from anyone else.
But having a great group of girlfriends by your side does help keep you happy! :)
I used to have ridiculously bad self-esteem issues, and it got me into some horrible situations. My lack of self-esteem and my need to people please essentially got me locked into an emotionally/verbally/physically/mentally abusive relationship for three years, where I was stripped of every last shred of dignity and self worth. This year, I moved to Korea to teach English, and the relationship with my abuser came to an end (long distance doesn't work for abusive men, they can't control every aspect of your life from half a world away). I have gained so much self-confidence and self-esteem since my relationship with him ended. I still have really bad days, where I feel like crap again, but I just tell myself that I'll get over it (and maybe eat a bunch of chocolate), and within a short while, I start to feel better. Self-esteem is so important, and as a future high school educator in Canada, it is something that I will strive to foster in all of my students... I know how traumatic high school can be, and I know first-hand what that trauma can lead to in the future. You are absolutely right about your four tips to develop confidence and grow, all four of those things are so important, especially treating yourself every once in a while. So many people don't do this, because they spend their time and money on other people instead, but treating yourself to even something little that you love can make a world of difference.
@ Jill.. I totally agree!!! It does have to come from within :)
@Tara.. WOW! What a story! I am so happy that you are finding your self and learning how amazing you are. Stay strong becuase you have been made perfect for some powerful purpose. XO!
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